I completely forgot.
Last Friday or so I got my results back. I wasn’t surprised, but at the same time I was. Got all A’s, including Latin, which I moaned over and over how much it was a bitch to study for. Psychology’s Stereotype and Prejudice course was expected, since they graded on a curve, and without the moderation I got a C, but the mean was a D-. The lecturer bumped up the mean grade to a B-, so I wound up getting an A.
In all honesty, I am really an average student, and perhaps that was the reason that shocked me that I got all A’s. I haven’t gotten straight A’s since I was seven fucking years old. I might have studied a little harder during the first few weeks here, because I didn’t have anything else to do, and the only thing you can turn to when thrown into a completely new environment is your purpose. I came here to study, and study I shall.
I’m moving to my new apartment next Wednesday, and I can’t say I’m really looking forward to it. I’m quite sure after a fashion I’ll call it home for the next year or so… in the meantime I have to figure out how to get from my apartment to the main campus (the dumb me will always walk it for the first 3 weeks or so, and then realize there’s actually a direct bus). I’m not looking forward to paying my own bills (I don’t know why) and dammit, I need a car, but I simply cannot afford one. Maybe after I get a scholarship or into the honors program or something that might free cash up. Of course, by that time I probably would’ve graduated from university and returned to Singapore… in which the car is going to be another colossal waste of money.
On a more lonely note, I still haven’t made any friends here, and I don’t think I will anytime soon. Ken was telling me how much my father enjoyed OSU, and I recalled he was the president of some club or other, not to mention he hooked up with my mom while they were queuing to sign up for campus housing of all things (according to my mother, and I take it with a grain of salt). And it got me thinking:
1. I am not my father, which in all likelihood would lead to
2. I will not enjoy it here.
I’ve increasingly gained some admiration for Singlish (spoken, not written) because where else in the world can you find English spoken this way? It’s like our own secret code, especially when you delve completely into words that doesn’t remotely sound like English anymore: ‘alamak, why he English so jialat wan.’
But I still love British accents, so whatever. I wanna go live in London. It’s small, it’s accessible, the houses look gorgeous. Prices are crazy inflated (I remember taking a photo of a box of fresh fruit that would cost me 6 Singapore dollars) but I think it’s the most wonderful place anyone can live in. Grass is greener on the other side and all that.
I recall crying on the plane trip back to Singapore because I didn’t want to leave London. Of course, that was during the EMO!era, so I probably cried at everything. Hm… I can’t remember if it was after that trip that I was close to killing myself. I remember it was around Troy… so I was 17… aha! Screencap’s awful, and I suppose it’s going to stay that way forever, but there you go. May 11 I left for London and I came back on the 19th. Troy was released 14th May. I suppose it was that Sunday I lay in bed for 18 hours crying my eyes out. I mean, where else can you find a country that you’ve fallen so much in love with that when you return you want to kill yourself?
I have come to learn that living and touring are two completely separate things, and with my wishy-washy nature, I’ll eventually become disenchanted with London as with so many other things in my life. Regardless, I intend to live there to become disenchanted, if I do get the opportunity.
