Ramblings
ETA: Okay, I’m going to nap first before gaming. Ugh I’m so tired.
I’m finished with my finals, and I’m exhausted. I’m going to unwind with KHII (finally I’m able to play!) I used up two booklets for writing out my Holocaust exam - had I enough time, I would’ve written more.
I still don’t quite get why in America people leave so early once they’re done. Don’t they check their work for mistakes, or in the case of writing an essay, write about 10 more things they could touch on? I mean, I had my Stats exam on Monday, and had I not triple checked everything, I would’ve missed one bit where I forgot to square the number. My essay on the Holocaust had like, 6 major points and if I were to go into detail about those 6 points, I wouldn’t have enough time to finish the essay. It turned out that I was the very last student in the exam hall, and I was kinda shocked about that.
Julia apologized for not being online as often as she would be, in which I am completely grateful for (her apology, that is, not her not being online). The iPod I gave her for her birthday stopped working, so I’ll probably ask her to restart it, if not, to exchange it for a new one (since it’s still under warranty and shit).
I feel like I’m supposed to be happy that the exams are over, but I don’t feel anything about it. It’s been that way since I can remember… maybe OSU is easier, and that I’m not pushing myself as hard, or I do have more motivation to study than I did in NUS. Maybe because of that, I don’t really feel a sense of relief, since I didn’t stress myself as much as I could have. I did truly enjoy this quarter, and I guess it’s more of sadness than joy that the quarter had to end so quickly. I do hope that Spring will be as equally fun (and no more math! YAY… except now I have 3 Science courses to plow through).
I need to finish my food swipes by Friday. There’s fried rice and egg rolls tomorrow in the cafeteria, so I’ll probably get like, 5 helpings of that shit for lunch and dinner. It’s made from cheapass ingredients, but damned if it isn’t delicious.
Disneyfied is updated (briefly), I’ve joined the Twilight City RP as Belle (thinking of taking up Hades) aaaand… oh yes. Some Singapore-related whining.
A few weeks ago I talked about severing contact with a close friend. Without going into too much detail, basically I found out that she looked down on me because I had trichotillomania. So I stopped talking to her, and I doubt I’ll ever talk to her again. And then I stopped talking to another, and another, and another, and in the end, looking at my MSN contact list, I’ve nearly severed all contact from my friends in Singapore. Half of them are blocked, and the other half I just ignore (not like it matters, since I don’t sign on to MSN anymore).
It’s hard for me to finally come to terms with the fact that my love for Singapore isn’t personal anymore, and because of that, I don’t feel so attached to Singapore as I did. Yes, I do love it for the food, the weather (ironically), the smallness of it, but I don’t think the personal attachment is there anymore, and it saddens me a little bit. It’s even worse with the fact that I have no friends here, and I feel, once again, I’m in the middle of nowhere, with no attachment to either place.
I feel fine without friends, I think because it is emotionally taxing. It’s weird to say this but the only person I will ever love is my sister, and everything else is just nonsense. I’ve invested so much into Julia and I’m glad that everything I did for her wasn’t thrown back in my face, much unlike my friends, who obviously have more important things to worry about than hurting my feelings. I suppose I should get a boyfriend so I won’t cling onto my sister (which I’ve very clearly been doing), but well… it took what, 6 years to become this close? I feel like no one’s going to wait that long, and the chances of meeting such a guy is one in a million. Also, I avoid guys. Sorry, it’s a habit. Or phobia. Or something like that.
So yes, I luff my sister to bits. Nothing else (at least emotionally) will ever matter.
