Aw shit.
I don’t know if my preoccupation with age is similar to the preoccupation of women growing old everywhere. I’ve always assumed that the reason why women were so sensitive with age was because of the idea that beauty disappears after youth. Maybe I’m wrong, but seeing the amount of products out there that claim to be ‘anti-aging’ seem to show some substance to the idea.
For me, growing older is another year closer to dying. I’ve mentioned before that I’m afraid of death, and dying is something that seriously I don’t want to face. It’s kinda scary at the prospect that you don’t know what will happen to you when you grow old - maybe your mind will go first, and the sad thing is you’ll never know. Maybe you’ll become paralyzed. Maybe you’ll become a burden on your kids. What’s going to happen if you have no children? Where will you go? A home sounds awful. I don’t want to pee on the bed and have a nurse scurrying after me.
It’s frightening to think about these things, and I keep thinking that at 21, a quarter (or less) of my life has gone by. It’s strange to think about getting married based on the prospect that you need someone to take care of you when you grow old. That’s the way I see it, at least. Screaming babies and having no privacy is not my idea of happiness.
And I have to make these decisions now. Do I want to pursue a relationship? I’m not really attracted to anyone. My personality sucks. Do I want kids? If I do, I should marry early. Pregnancies late in life will endanger your health. What if I don’t want kids? Should I adopt, at the very least? What happens if I grow old alone, and I collapse of a heart attack in my apartment and no one is there to help me?
Why do I have to be focused on the present? I understand the unnecessary need to worry on the past, but the future just feels so close. I don’t feel like I’m going through life right.
Argh, crap.
Purple
So here’s the new layout. Brilliant shade of purple. It was pretty much inspired by this colour palette - or just blatantly ripped off, I suppose - so… there you go. If you don’t like the purple, you can always revert to the previous theme I had (it’s also in the sidebar).
Dwee!
Sexual Objectification
I wanted to post only after I finished up my new layout for the website (for some reason, it’s a brilliant shade of purple), but there’s this really pressing issue that’s been on my mind for some time, specifically the issue of sexual objectification. For all my feminist foot-stomping and expressions of disgust at how males have managed to internalize such notions, the same can be said for females, quite frankly.
Female-oriented (or any least, populated) communities seem to be the worst offenders of this. Any photo of a male celebrity would always be followed up with someone saying ‘I’d hit that’ and another swarm of other females agreeing, openly discussing their sexual fantasies with each other (also, Yahtzee). No one calls them on it, and yet these very females get on cases where males start saying the exact same things when presented with a female celebrity.
Of course, the usual arguments can be thrown around - females have every right to boggle at men’s bodies, females have had a history of oppression so we’re entitled to have revenge, the guys can do it so WHAI CANT I - but this isn’t about gender equality. This is about sexual objectification, in and of itself, employed by both genders. I personally find sexual objectification abhorrent, in all forms, male or female. I don’t support one or the other, and yes, I do condone my gender for it.
Just because women has had a history of oppression doesn’t mean we can subscribe to the same things men did. Frankly, I don’t think that this is even a valid psychological reason for the sudden surge of male objectification - it’s just another kneejerk “politically correct” answer as to why female objectification is condoned and yet male objectification is accepted. I frankly don’t think feministic revenge goes through the minds of 15 year olds when typing out ‘I WANT TO DO BAD THINGS TO THIS MAN’ on the Internet.
Perhaps the female sex drive was greater than I assumed. Perhaps I did subscribe to some form of projection bias; I don’t see the sexual attraction in men, I don’t gush on end, and therefore the rest of the female population have the same beliefs as I do. I’m wrong, obviously, but that doesn’t make sexual objectification any more right.
Should men be honoured by their sexual objectification status in the female community? With the evidence that men think about sex more often than females, it feels like men wouldn’t be as insulted as women are. But I’m not a man, so I don’t know. Maybe Johnny Depp does take comfort knowing that he’s in the sexual fantasies of prepubescent girls everywhere.
Dreams and Analysis
I had the oddest, oddest dream. I dreamt that a guy in my Holocaust class asked me out, and he failed the first time because I was with a friend. We were in the cafeteria getting soup and he called at me to get some special ice cream if I mentioned his name at the counter (I bought Haagen Dazs ice cream today). But nothing happened to that, and the dream SKIP SKIP SKIP to:
The second time. He sent a really, really nice letter, and I think we were in Washington DC or something. For some reason I got a hold of his diary (or something like that) and the book said something like “I want to show her Nazi Germany. Those are my flowers to a girl.”
Looking back, the entire thing was LOL, but I think in the dream I went ‘awww’. And looking back, I seem to remember whatever he wrote was kinda misogynistic, actually. Sheesh.
So I went for my counseling appointment today. Dear God, that was unpleasant. I told myself to not cry at all. I managed for the first half an hour, and then I CRIED. Christ.
Oscars 2008
I now know why I stopped watching television. The shows and commercials are so shallow and ridiculous I don’t know how anyone can sit through that vitriol. One more time someone says ‘your dress is beautiful’ I’ma throttle a bitch. I’m just waiting for Jon Stewart. I suppose all this fake glamour shit is worth sitting through for a bit of comedy by the man himself.
Can I just have the History and Discovery Channel please (Comedy Central too, although half of it is complete nonsense)? Not everything else that I have to pay for besides that?
Valkyrie
Whazzhername? Mylie Cyrus? Myli Cirus? My citrus? My big circus?
Whatever.
I’m both excited and apprehensive for Valkyrie. I mentioned to Julia the other day that after the masterpiece that was Der Untergang, it just doesn’t feel right if WWII films set in Germany has everyone talking in English. With Tom Cruise American, Bill Nighy and co. British, Christian Berkel and Thomas Kretschmann German, accents are going to be flying all over the place. I think that’ll be the stage for some major lulz.
Also, I’m sure they’ll be taking some liberty with the original event that occurred, so I’ll be the one in the theater yelling about the inconsistencies.
